I’ve been spending the past week reflecting on how things went for me in 2023 and how I want to be in 2024. In the process, I asked myself, “What do I acknowledge that is true about me?” Not what other people say is true. I used to only know myself by what other’s said I was. This is the most free I’ve felt in my life, speaking my truths, no matter how hard some of them may be to face.
So, what is true about me?
I am scared of confrontation/conflict AND I can’t help but stand up for myself or anyone else when I see blatant unfair treatment.
I live most of my life thinking about and taking care of future problems - like not big goals, rather little things like putting the dishes away at night so that I don't have to do it in the morning, or playing out all the possible ways a conversation can go based on how I greet someone. AND I practice being present every time I catch myself doing this.
I have so much love in my heart for EVERYONE. If you’ve lost my love, you’ve really fucked up somehow because I am very forgiving and WANT to love everyone.
I work too much. It’s a way I avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings. I don’t drink or do drugs, I work to numb.
My partner and kids have been the biggest contributors to my growth and healing. When you love someone so much that you want to be the best version of yourself for them, you can’t help but become intentional about how you are in relationship with them. And this is how I came to truly love myself.
I fight myself on my creative endeavors and I have no idea why. I WANT to play drums better, but I don’t commit to regular practice. I WANT to write my book and get published, but I don’t put the time in to write. (HELP!)
I have super senses, like it’s creepy sometimes. I hear and smell everything little thing in the house. I can’t wear certain fabrics because of how they feel. I notice when anything in a familiar place has been moved or something new is added or is missing. I easily become overwhelmed by all the sensory inputs.
I’m a really talented Pilates instructor and I don’t spend as much time teaching as I would like.
I need to know that I am really wanted. It’s a core wound that as a default I feel like I do not belong anywhere and that I am a burden.
I’ve made a lot of progress on relaxing and letting go of the need to control everyone and everything. I know I am not a god and I trust others to tell me when they need something from me.
I am a poor business owner because I undervalue my services and don’t charge enough to be able to make it a sustainable source of income. Otherwise, I’m a very competent and knowledgable business-minded person. I can make money for other people, but not for myself.
I love being non-binary. Once I opted out of the gender binary, I have continued to find freedom and authenticity in so many other facets of my life.
Quiet alone time gives me life and makes me a better person for when I’m connecting with others. Reading alone in the morning, walking/running, pondering time, meditation, nighttime routines. All of these things are like super chargers for me.
What is true about you? Who are you when no one else is near? Give it a think and let me know if you want to compare notes. Love you and Happy New Year! xoxo, jess